


Shortcrust and Cyanide

by Elsinore_and_Inverness



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Assassin's Guild, Baking, Gen, Poison
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:27:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27840724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsinore_and_Inverness/pseuds/Elsinore_and_Inverness
Summary: Not only was he wasting perfectly good ingredients on inhumation and playing Uberwaldean Roulette with himself, he was getting in the way.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Shortcrust and Cyanide

Liam Downey liked to use the main kitchen when he was preparing various lethal tray bakes and boiled sweets.

While technically all Mrs Sugarbean, the Assassins Guild cook, had directly objected to was the use of _her_ cakes to poison people, Downey’s presence in the kitchen had won him negative points in her book and multiple lectures on the correct use of a candy thermometer. Not only was he wasting perfectly good ingredients on inhumation and playing Uberwaldean Roulette with himself, he was _getting in the way_.

There was another, smaller kitchen in the basement that connected up with the Fool’s Guild that was specifically dedicated to the kind of cooking Downey enjoyed, but the walls were thin down there and he didn’t want to have to listen to the anguished cries coming from the neighboring Guild.

Everyone remembered the day Alena Sugarbean had been hired and the food had gone from arguably edible to _good_.

There were still some complaints from students, of course; they were students after all, but after most of them had dined elsewhere in Ankh-Morpork, they were perfectly happy to accept the way Sugarbean seasoned meat and substituted spices for other spices.

“I just don’t see how you can— No, don’t roll it out like that, it’s going to fall apart— How can you put in the work to make something wonderful and then poison it?”

Liam Downey looked up at her solemnly, squishing his ruined tart crust back together with his fingers. “If I am responsible for the last thing that someone ever tastes, I am honor-bound to make it exceptional. I care deeply about my work.”

“I find it disrespectful to the food. Best is better than last. The memory of a perfect meal is part of the intention of cooking.”

Downey put the crust into a crimped pan. It didn’t quite fit, so he tore pieces off from around the edges. “If I were a cook, I would agree with you, but I am not. I am an Assassin.”

Sugarbean looked at the discarded scraps of dough and sighed. There was no getting through to some people.


End file.
